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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29064033">Greetings From California</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMS_Under_Over/pseuds/TheMS_Under_Over'>TheMS_Under_Over</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youcant_stopme/pseuds/Youcant_stopme'>Youcant_stopme</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wait everything is cake? Always has been. [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Don't worry the Major character death is actually cake, F/M, How Do I Tag, Hyrule owns (1) long furby named Propaganda Pumpernickel 3 and he loves his son, Legend (Linked Universe) is a Little Shit, Legend is emo, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Radlad I am literally begging you don't read this please m'friend, Sword Fighting in the Arbys Parking Lot, Temporary Character Death, The Moon (MM), Time (Linked Universe) is a Good Parent, Time (Linked Universe) is a cake, Twilight (Linked Universe) wonders if he's cake too, idk if i already put that, uhhh the other characters will show up next chapter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:35:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,541</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29064033</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMS_Under_Over/pseuds/TheMS_Under_Over, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youcant_stopme/pseuds/Youcant_stopme</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeah!” Warriors said, slamming a hand onto the table. “I refuse to sell rat merch-”</p>
<p>“Um,” A voice piped up from the back of the room. “I mean, if people like it, maybe we should keep it as it’s profitable?”</p>
<p>Legend spun again in his chair, however he overshot and ended up spinning a full circle three times, only stopping when Twilight reached over to hold onto the chair. He got up and woozily walked to Hyrule, his steps unsteady. </p>
<p>“And that! Is why Hyrule is the best person here.”<br/>~~</p>
<p>Have you ever drank water? No? Well, imagine the Links work at a water plant. That's literally the entire fic. Highlights of it include: Cryptid Four, Wind praying to the Tingle gods, the cake being a lie, My Chemical Romance, and more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Four &amp; Hyrule &amp; Legend &amp; Sky &amp; Time &amp; Twilight &amp; Warriors &amp; Wild &amp; Wind (Linked Universe), Four (Linked Universe) &amp; Shadow Link, Ghirahim/A bowl of crusty musty Caesar salad, Malon (Legend of Zelda)/Time (Linked Universe)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wait everything is cake? Always has been. [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2132340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Greetings From California</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Firstly, please drink water. That's important and stuff. Secondly, Zer and I are back at it with crack fics. I hope I haven't lost my title as crack master, but if I have then I hope this brings it back. </p>
<p>for the people who've seen us brainstorming stuff for this in L1 and other places, I'm sorry, I hope we haven't made you lose braincells. </p>
<p>SO YES! CRACK DUO PEONY AND ZER PROUDLY PRESENT:</p>
<p>Greetings from California</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Legend, I can and will take away your paycheck for this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever for?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Legend did a spin in his office chair for pizzaz. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The people love my ideas.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Time groaned and buried his face in his hands. His wife, Malon, hurried over to him and patted his back comfortingly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Warriors said, slamming a hand onto the table. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>refuse </span>
  </em>
  <span>to sell rat merch-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um,” A voice piped up from the back of the room. “I mean, if people like it, maybe we should keep it as it’s profitable?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Legend spun again in his chair, however he overshot and ended up spinning a full circle three times, only stopping when Twilight reached over to hold onto the chair. He got up and woozily walked to Hyrule, his steps unsteady. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And that! Is why Hyrule is the best person here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Unsure of what to do, Hyrule stuck his leg out in front of Legend, tripping him. Legend crumpled to the floor, and Warriors cheered. The two picked up their unconscious coworker and dragged him out of the room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...Malon.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She looked up. “Hm?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This company is a mess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I could’ve figured that out a long time ago.” She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. ‘You should think of retiring, honey.’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who will inherit the company then?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Twilight?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He looked up and their eyes met. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Twilight.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For Twilight D’Ordon, there were many lovely things in life. The smell of fresh grass after rain, the sound of bumblebees flitting about in the air, and most of all, his life on his ranch. It was a quaint place, a few miles off the road, with a single two-story house and a barn. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He mostly raised goats, and was </span>
  <em>
    <span>rather </span>
  </em>
  <span>proud of his cheese, which had won the farming guild award for two years running. The award itself was a simple framed piece of paper, and he proudly showed it to everyone, even if they had already seen it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yes, life was simple, but it was enjoyable and nothing ailed him most days. That was until a peculiar letter appeared at his doorstep, and as all peculiar letters do, it brought trouble. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Elegant script sat in the middle of the card, and next to it sat a multitude of hastily drawn sad faces. Puzzled, Twilight shook his head and began to read it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We regret to inform you that your father,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Link Time</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Has died. :(</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the card was blank, and when he flipped it over, a messy scrawl of writing appeared. It gave an address, date, and time, and humbly asked for him to pay his respect for his late father. It was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>bit </span>
  </em>
  <span>questionable, as the card looked more like a birthday invitation, and if his father really was dead then Malon would’ve called him, but what did he know? The frowny face was a strange touch though. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After a few minutes of shoving necessary items into a suitcase, he was ready to go. Twilight bid goodbye to his goats and began to drive to the place where the funeral was. The tall pines blurred past his window as he drove, as did the sky. By the time it had become a deep purple, the pines were replaced by leafy oaks. A tall water plant loomed in the distance behind them, bright yellow lights shining through the windows. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soon enough he had driven off the main road and onto a thin rocky one, his car jerking him around. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn.. I should’ve gotten four wheel drive.” He muttered under his breath, fed up with the trip already. A lock of brown hair fell into his eyes and he blew it back behind his pointed ear. Eventually the road proved too rocky for his cheap car, and he stepped outside. The air was chilly and he shivered. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A loud crunch sounded from behind him, and before Twilight could pull out his pocket knife someone appeared from the shadows. A long blue scarf adorned their neck, and their perfect blonde hair moved in the wind. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um,” they scratched the back of their neck, unsure of what to do. “Are you here for the funeral?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded hesitantly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Follow me.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The two set up the path, the scarfed one groaning all the while.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I knew I should’ve picked spades!” He huffed under his breath. “Leave it to Legend to always win...”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Twilight chuckled under his breath. His unknown companion must have lost a bet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soon enough the large building in the distance grew closer, bright fluorescent light filtering through the large windows. Shapeless shadows passed by them every-so often, often looking like the same person was pacing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” the other person spoke up. “I knew your father. He was a good man.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He responded awkwardly. They remained in silence for the rest of the trip, eventually coming to a stop in front of the water plant door. The scarved man opened it and ushered Twilight inside. In the darkness he saw things shuffle about, and after a moment someone cleared their throat. They then began to cough hard, as if they were coughing up a lung. They continued to cough for quite a bit of time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“..come on, where’s the aux?” Someone else whispered from the back of the room, barely audible. “ Come on! Stop being a jerk and pass it!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A third person blew a raspberry. After a few moments of fiddling (Twilight guessed that was what it was) he heard a click and the lights blared on. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh!” His companion blinked hard a few times. Twilight stared to the center of the room, where a black coffin sat. All of the people from before seemed to have hid or left. He slowly shuffled towards the coffin, scared of what was inside. Was it Times body? Or did they even have a body left? Glancing into the dark box quickly, he froze. A purple streamer flew from the coffin and smacked him in the face. All of a sudden, a multitude of people jumped out from behind it, each one with a sparkler in hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A catchy tune started to play from some large speakers in the back of the room, and after a second he knew what it was. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’M NOT.. OK..” Gerard Way's voice boomed and under the music Twilight could hear someone cackling. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He glanced back at his deceased father. A poorly made face of frosting glared back up at him. His father was cake. Time Time was cake. There was only one thing to do, and Twilight did it. He jabbed his finger between cake Time’s eyes and licked it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Vanilla?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry!” He jumped, surprised by the woman standing next to him. Her shocking red hair was tightly wound into a bun, and her mascara ran down her face. She was crying. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“ I’m so sorry Twi! We only had vanilla but I know he liked chocolate and-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She collapsed on the floor, gasping for air. “We even managed to get the demons from upstairs to come and mourn! Oh Twilight, I’m so sorry!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A small person ran from behind the coffin and leapt to her side. He shook his head sadly and handed Twilight a few plates and a knife he had been holding behind his back. Tearfully, Twilight accepted the tools and set to work at carving the cake in the shape of his father. Everyone lined up behind him and accepted a piece of cake. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So uh,” he began as everyone was munching on their slices of Time. “Who are y’all?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He pointed to the short man. “And what’s with this sassy lost child?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The short man snorted. Scarf guy stepped forwards, opening his mouth to speak. “We all work here, and we’re your new workers! I’ll start,” He flashed a dazzling smile. “I’m Warriors.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What.” Twilight deadpanned. “I’m your boss?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The group of workers quickly shuffled together, creating a small circle. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You didn’t tell him he’s the new boss?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Warriors hissed out, clutching Legends shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I thought you told him or at least his mom did!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After a few moments of hushed conversation, the circle split and Legend and Warriors approached Twilight. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“See now, um,” Warriors began, unsure of what to say. Legend sighed and walked towards a cardboard box on the right of the room. He gently lifted the flaps and shook it. Time popped out, wearing a fun little hat that said, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yay! I’ve died!</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What.” Twilight repeated, sounding dignified. “I thought you were cake.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ausydvfbhg!!” Time exclaimed, somehow speaking in keyboard smash. “You thought… I… was cake?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Twilight ignored the question and smiled blissfully.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have Jojo Siwa's hairline and you’re wearing </span>
  <em>
    <span>crocs.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Time sighed dejectedly and walked away back to the box. He lifted the flag and plopped down inside, refusing to look at his son. Malon sprinted over to him, grabbing his hand and sobbing. The small child (man? Cryptid? Twilight had no idea.) continued eating his cake. Dubbed the two stooges without a third by Twilight's mind, Warriors and Legend stood next to each other enjoying their pieces of Time’s fake body. The rest of the people stood scattered in the water plant, observing their new boss. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And somewhere up near the moon, a demon grinned. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ps: I'm sorry there are actually angst plots too somehow</p>
<p>ALSO THANKS FOR READING</p></blockquote></div></div>
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